Harvest Interns (AKA Army of Annihilation)
(Wine Jobs:
Vineyards & Cellars )
Contract
Union Wine Co.
Sherwood,
Oregon
Are you completely done with reading harvest job posting after harvest job posting that all sound nearly the same?: “Luxury-premium artisanal hand crafted micro winery is seeking hyper-motivated Davis graduates for the 2017 vintage.” If yes, then read on.
Union Wine Company, creator of all the best brands (nobody does wine better than we do), including but not limited to Amity Vineyards and Underwood (yes, the cans), is amassing its annual Army of Annihilation (formerly known as Minions of Destruction, formerly known as the Wrecking Crew, formerly known as Interns). We do what everyone else on this website does, just better. And with flair. Lots and lots of flair. See below.
Some of you are new to this game, so we feel we should tell you of the requirements/preferences of The Army. Since you can read, you’ve seen these in other adds, so here is our truncated list:
-Wine passion
-Long hours
-50lbs (22.7kg)
-Experience
-Transportation
-English
-Humor
-Forklift skillz
-Burrito enthusiasm
-Music
Fringe benefits include:
-More food than you can physically consume
-Dope threads
-A team of real-estate specialists to help you find your ideal living situation in and around Portland (teepee, tent, double-wide, batch, bathtub, mansion, boat, house, boathouse, whatever floats your boat)
-On-site sharpie tattoo artist to help commemorate your awesome harvest
-Stumptown Coffee sponsorship
-Fermented grape beverage in can or bottle
-Bicycles
-Entry into the Union Personhood for connections to future vintages near and far
-Likely September through October
We’ll be honest: we’re bored of reading your “Ctrl C, Ctrl V” applications, with the wrong winery in the recipient position of the email. Seriously. I recognize that you’ll be doing a bit of copying and pasting, but please for the the love of God, address the fact that you just read a ridiculous job posting, loved it, and give us at least three examples of why you think you would fit in with our lot.